


your name on my lips, tongue tied

by littleluthor



Series: to end up with you [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Lena Luthor Gets a Hug, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Post Reveal, With A Twist, all the feelings, based on i forgot that you existed, but only a little in passing, i love those idiots so much i made myself cry, there's poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-09 23:04:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20517911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleluthor/pseuds/littleluthor
Summary: “I’ve seen the milky way, Lena, and it pales in comparison to you.”





	your name on my lips, tongue tied

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello here's part two <3333

The months that followed Lex’s death passed by in a complete haze. Lena couldn’t pinpoint an exact timeline in which things had occurred in those months, it was all just a blur. A messy, agonizing, overwhelming blur.

There had been rage-fueled arguments, both with and between Kara, Alex, J’onn, everyone. Lena had been angry for a long time, and she had allowed said anger to fuel her for as long as she possibly could before she had inevitably buckled under the weight of everything. She had gone through the five stages of grief throughout those few months, and she was so drained afterwards that she just didn’t have any fight left in her to keep rebuilding the walls that Kara was so intent on knocking down.

The denial had been the strongest for Lena - despite Lex using his last dying breath to taunt her, despite having cold, hard evidence on the screen right in front of her very eyes, Lena had refused to accept it. She could feel the boxes stacked precariously, threatening to tumble as she added more and more to the pile, rapidly trying to pack up and seal everything off before it swallowed her whole. It hadn’t worked though, of course it hadn’t, and the next time that Lena had seen Kara, she had seen burning red.

The anger was intense. Lena had never felt betrayal like that in her entire life. The one person in the whole entire world that she was so incredibly sure would never ever hurt her, was the one who finally broke the CEO. It wasn’t just Kara, though. It was everyone. Alex’s betrayal had hurt almost as much as Kara’s. Lena had thought that they were friends, she had grown closer to the eldest Danvers sister than she initially thought possible upon first meeting her. They had a lot in common, Lena and Alex. Neither one of them liked to open up to people - which is why Lena had felt so honored when Alex allowed her to get close enough to help her through losing her fiancé. Alex would always pull Lena aside at game nights and check in on her if she seemed a little overwhelmed. Lena would stop by Alex’s place with pizza and beer some nights if Kara was busy - Alex was just as bad as Lena for skipping meals. When she felt the timing was right, Lena had even gone as far as subtly introducing Alex to her new CFO, Samantha Arias. Kara was Lena’s best friend, sure, but the almost sisterly relationship built up between Lena and Alex was entirely their own.

Lena had been so filled with rage about the whole thing that she had broken down, there was only so much pressure one person could take before they crumbled, after all. She felt so ridiculously stupid - how could she have been so naive? - the worst part was that she had convinced herself that maybe, just maybe, Kara felt the same way about her. Lena had even almost opened up to Alex about it, until everything came crashing down and she realized that they had all been lying to her for the entire duration of their knowing one another.

The wave had hit her so intensely that she was absolutely helpless to do anything other than let it pull her under. She had briefly wondered one night - with tiny shards of glass stuck in her stinging palms as she had drunkenly tried to clean up the bottle of whiskey that she’d smashed - if this is what her mother had felt like. The waves crashing on top of her, unrelenting as she desperately tried to gasp for air before finally succumbing to the darkness.

Lena had woken up the following morning in bed, hands bandaged up and a glass of water on her bedside table. She didn’t allow herself to recall the memories - she wasn’t sure if she would even be able to, given just how wrecked she was, but she certainly did not want to try either.

The bargaining stage had been a brief one, but just like everything else that Lena Luthor did in her life, she most definitely did not half-ass it. Lena was more than aware of the statistics when it came to the earth falling into a loop that briefly erased everyone’s memories and allowed them to change the outcome of whichever situation they wanted, but that didn’t stop her from pleading as hard as she could for it to occur.

The depression that followed after the bargaining had fallen through had been rough to say the very least. Lena wasn’t blessed with ignorance - she knew she that she had a teeny tiny problem when it came to alcohol. It was just so incredibly easy to throw back glass after glass of ridiculously expensive whiskey and allow herself to bask in the numbness for a while - which is why she had struggled so badly without it. Lena didn’t want to lose herself in a mess of blurry evenings and whole days spent emptying her stomach into the toilet bowl - it was the one tiny shred of pride that she had clung onto. She refused to let herself fall into that hole.

The acceptance had come slowly, her resolve eventually crumbling when the strength to keep everything together faltered before completely vanishing. If she was being honest, she had given up. Lena felt so fragile, stripped back to nothing but a frightened soul who simply wanted to be held and assured that things were going to be alright.

Both Kara and Alex had come then. The three of them bundled up beneath ridiculously expensive silk sheets, Lena sandwiched in the middle as they’d cried. The serious stuff had come later on - the conversations, the confessions, the apologies, all of it - but for that one night, all three of them were content with the silence.

They had put in a lot of work to rebuild their relationships, to repair the damage done to the foundation, so that they could move forward as a strengthened unit. Everyone had been tense and more than a little on edge during the whole mess with Lex and Red Daughter, but now it seemed they were all just relieved - happy, even - to have Lena’s face around again.

Lena had taken rather quickly to spending most nights with Kara by her side. The confession had come quietly, whispered in the dark one night as Lena had been drifting off to sleep. _I keep having nightmares about losing you._ Lena’s heart had shattered in her chest at the fragility in Kara’s voice, and not for the first time, she realized just how much of an effect the whole thing had on her best friend too.

Kara had already been staying over that night anyway, but Lena asked her to stay the following night too, and the one after that, and the one after that, until they slipped into a routine of Kara showing up at Lena’s apartment just before dinner every single night like clockwork. It had gotten to the point where Alex had begun to tease them relentlessly, placing bets with absolutely everyone - Sam, Brainy, Nia, Jess, the new computer tech at the DEO, the woman who works behind the counter at Noonan’s - that they couldn’t spend a single night apart.

Lena hadn’t _wanted _to spend a night away from Kara, but they had been so determined to prove Alex wrong that they had agreed to the ridiculous bet - at least, until Lena had found herself tossing and turning as midnight rapidly came and went. She eventually caved and called an equally awake Kara, who was slipping into bed beside her within seconds of picking up the call.

“You’re freezing.” Lena had mumbled as Kara’s arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her close.

“I can leave if you want.” Kara offered her as she snuggled into the pillows.

“Absolutely not.” Lena huffed as she shuffled impossibly closer, wrapping her legs around Kara like a koala as she finally felt the exhaustion catch up with her. “Although I’m sure Alex would love that.”

“She’ll just be happy that she won the bet.” Kara breathed a laugh.

“I would pay her however much she wanted to have you here.” Lena mumbled before succumbing to sleep.

“I would stay here forever, for free.” Kara had whispered into the silence before pressing a kiss to the top of Lena’s head, and allowing herself to drift off.

* * *

One thing Lena had neglected to notice during her grief period was the brutal hit that L-Corp had taken during the aftermath of Lex’s terror. Investors were pulling out left and right, and Lena’s name was being dragged through the mud as though it were three years before and she was just starting out again.

It was disappointing, and heartbreaking on a deeply personal level, but it wasn’t a surprise to Lena. The very people she would’ve stuck around for, the people she would’ve fought entire towns for, the people she was always front row supporting, were the very people who turned against her whenever the opportunity arose. She had lived it her whole life. Kids laughing on the school yard whenever she tripped up and hit the ground. Grown adults, her colleagues and competitors, were always there, chewing on popcorn the very moment that Lena’s rep started going down - regardless of how unsurprising it was to her, it still broke a little piece of Lena’s heart every single time.

Still, Lena had been expecting things to die down again after a few months - the world always moved on, the news cycle changed so rapidly that nothing was ever centre of attention for too long - but unfortunately that didn’t seem to be the case this time.

If anything, it was actually getting worse.

Lena was caught between hatred directed at her for distancing herself from her family, and hated directed at her for not distancing herself _enough_ from her family. All she wanted to do was good, she wanted to help people, but the world just didn’t seem to believe her. She could never appease everyone, and so they simply communicated it with hatred.

As a result, the DEO had been more than insistent on upping Lena’s security - both her computer systems and a physical security team who would follow her around during her day to day activities and keep her safe. The only reason that Lena had eventually agreed to it was because everyone around her seemed genuinely concerned about her safety and she didn’t want to worry them.

She had agreed to have a security team with her at L-Corp despite her initial hesitation, the crowds protesting outside only seemed to be growing more and more rowdy as the weeks wore on and it was actually a small relief to be escorted past them each day - Kara had insisted on simply flying Lena to work and back, but both Lena and Alex had shut that idea down immediately.

* * *

Kara had finished up her work earlier that evening - a very passionately written article about all of the incredible upcoming projects that L-Corp was working on, as well as the fund-raising efforts that had gone into the new wing of the Luthor children's hospital. It was incredibly rough on her seeing the all the news coverage as of late. Lena tried to brush it off, she assured Kara that it was alright, that people were entitled to their own opinions, but Kara disagreed. It was far from alright, and she knew that it hurt Lena. Under all of her CEO armor, Lena Luthor was a gentle soul and she did not deserve any of the venom that people spat at her - especially not uneducated people simply following along with the masses out of convenience.

Kara could see the impact that everything was having on Lena, the never-ending hate was taking it’s toll on her whether she admitted it or not. Hell, it was taking it’s toll on Kara and no one was even saying anything about her. She could see the way Lena allowed their shade to cut off her sunshine, she accepted the darkness because she thought that she deserved it. She allowed their toxic words to live rent-free inside of her beautiful mind and it shattered Kara’s heart into a million tiny little pieces.

Lena Luthor was the one who gave up her already limited sleeping time to hold Kara, to whisper soft reassurances that she was _safe_, __that she was going to be okay, whenever Kara suffered from nightmares. Lena was the first one to offer her help whenever the DEO needed technology repaired or modified. Lena Luthor baked red velvet cupcakes in her spare time. She loved poetry books and she never hesitated to share her favourite ones with Kara - sometimes she would even recite them to her when Kara was feeling particularly anxious at night. Lena dreamt of moving into a big house, with a yard large enough for her to adopt a couple of dogs and allow them to run free. She dreamt of having a daughter, of teaching her how to love herself and raising a badass little warrior who knew her worth. Lena Luthor loved the color green and she was absolutely disgusted by the concept of people sleeping with socks on.

Lena Luthor was a good person. Lena Luthor was Kara Danvers’ favorite person.

When Lena walked through the door that evening, Kara felt her heart drop so harshly she briefly wondered if it actually _had_ fallen from it’s spot between her rib cage__. __Kara had learned to recognize when Lena was having a rougher day than usual - had come to notice the lipstick that had been anxiously chewed off, the slightly disheveled section of Lena’s hair on the side of her head that she tended to wrap around her finger whenever she felt a little too overwhelmed. Lena tended to avoid Kara’s gaze when she arrived home from a day like that, her eyes always seemed a little distant, and it usually took an hour or two until she was relaxed enough to actually focus on things.

Today, though, neither of those things were what caught Kara’s attention.

Lena had opened the door and stepped into her apartment with a look of overwhelming defeat on her face, and it had taken Kara barely a second to realize why. Lena’s hair was matted on one side, a gooey looking substance dripping down the length of it right onto her expensive new navy blazer.

Kara could see the way Lena’s bottom lip trembled as the two of them stood rooted to the spot. She wasn’t sure what Lena needed in that moment, and so Kara simply waited. She remained where she was until a sob burst free from Lena’s mouth, and she was wrapping her up tightly in her arms a moment later.

“I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” Kara repeated softly as Lena broke down, sobbing loudly into her shoulder as Kara attempted to soothe her.

“They- They threw a milkshake at me. Outside the hospital. I was- I was there to h- help fix the MRI machine. Two guys- One of them- One threw their milkshake at me.” Lena hiccuped between sobs. “They told me to- to join Lex in hell.”

“Oh babe.” Kara squeezed her as tightly as she dared, gently swaying side to side on her feet as she tried to comfort Lena as best she could. She felt fury surge through her veins as she thought about what had happened. She would never understand, but she would do everything in her power to make sure Lena knew how incredible she was. “I’m sorry, I’m _so_ sorry.”

Kara didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know what to say, and so she simply held onto Lena. She provided a solid comfort in which Lena could find some peace for a little while, desperately willing all of the love and admiration she had for the woman in her arms to somehow find it’s way into her brain. She just wanted, _needed,_ Lena to know how incredible she was. How so deeply loved she was. How valued and respected she was.

They stood there, in front of the door, wrapped up in one another for a long time. Kara could feel her legs tingling from lack of movement, but Lena finally seemed to be responding to the calming effects of the gentle swaying, so she didn’t want to stop and risk unsettling her again.

* * *

Lena’s feet felt like lead as she breathed in the comforting smell of Kara’s washing powder. She was so exhausted she could feel it deep in her bones, and she was barely a few seconds from falling asleep on her feet when Kara spoke up for the first time in a while.

“We should get you cleaned up.” she whispered softly, and Lena finally removed her head from the space between Kara’s ear and shoulder so that she could give her a nod.

Lena was lead through to the bathroom in a daze, Kara’s fingers intertwined with her own as they made their way down the hallway. She barely even registered Kara guiding her to sit down on top of the closed toilet lid so that she could take her shoes off for her, the bathroom quickly filling with steam from the shower that Kara had switched on. She helped Lena to peel off the sticky blazer and discarded of it in the laundry basket - she knew it couldn’t be salvaged, but the basket was the only available spot for her to leave it.

The soothing warmth of the water cascading down Lena’s soft skin felt like heaven as she distantly heard Kara pop open her shampoo bottle and gently begin massaging her scalp. Lena wasn’t sure if it was her inability to keep her eyes open from exhaustion, but she just couldn’t bring herself to feel self-conscious in the moment. She just felt so safe and cared for, there was nothing inherently sexual about the situation, but Lena felt as though she were about to burst into tears at the overwhelming love she felt.

She knew that Kara’s clothes were probably getting soaked, the water was splashing out of the shower and most likely onto her shirt as she gently rinsed the shampoo from Lena’s hair before reaching out for the conditioner.

No one had ever treated Lena so gently in her life - at least, not that she could remember. She felt weirdly overwhelmed and couldn’t quite put her finger on the _why._ It was just.. Kara. Incredible, sweet, loving Kara who politely averted her eyes even as she wrapped a white, fluffy towel around Lena’s body and helped her to step out of the shower.

Lena felt helpless against her urges in that very moment. Her brain was soft and pliant - the voice in her head that usually screamed at her to __stop __seemed to have lost the battle against the exhaustion and drifted off somewhere inside of her head. She was up on her tiptoes, soft lips pressed against her own before she could fully process what she had done. Kara’s eyes had just been looking so intensely into her own, and Lena just felt so overwhelmingly _grateful_ for everything.

“I- Sorry.” Lena blinked as she pulled away and the reality of the situation set in.

“Please don’t be sorry. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Kara’s soft voice was a vast contrast from the beaming smile that had spread out across her entire face. “You go put some pajamas on, I’ll go lock everything up.” she promised with a lingering kiss to Lena’s forehead.

The regret that Lena would’ve expected to flood through her system after kissing her very best friend surprisingly did not come. She couldn’t bring herself to feel anything other than the warmth spreading throughout her chest as she settled down in bed and waited for Kara to join her, just as she had done every single night for the last few months. It didn’t even feel different this time, Lena realized. It felt right.

_ It felt like home._

“Hey, do you mind if I read something to you?” Kara asked as she climbed into bed beside Lena, book in hand. She remained propped up against the headboard instead of lying down flat against the pillows as she waited for her answer.

“Of course not.” Lena smiled as Kara reached out an arm gestured for her to cuddle up beside her. Her head rested on top of Kara’s chest as Kara’s free hand found it’s way up into Lena’s still-damp hair and began to scratch lightly at her scalp.

“I saw this the other day and I meant to tell you, but I didn’t get around to it.” Kara told her as she opened up her book on a previously marked page and began to read softly to Lena.

_The first law of thermodynamics states this:_

_‘energy can neither be created nor destroyed.’_

_Which is to say everything around us is recycled energy,_

_you, me, your dog, those we love and those we avoid._

_Which is to say that the energy that makes us _

_is as ancient as the beginning of time itself._

_Which is to say that our bones could have been_

_fragmented together from the ashes of the library of_

_Alexandria._

_Which is to say our sinews and spines were crafted from the_

_end of a hundred year old oak tree and our smiles a comet._

_Which is to say our hearts could be Achilles’ spirit_

_when he battled Troy, bringing his enemies down with it._

_Which is to say, when we feel like life is overwhelming,_

_we must remember that we’re just sparks of energy borrowing _ _skin._

_That no matter how much this pain feels everlasting,_

_this is just temporary fabric we are in._

“I’ve seen the milky way, Lena, and it pales in comparison to you.” Kara whispered as she closed her book and set it aside. “I love you, and I hope you know that. I really hope you know how loved you are. I will _always_ be there. You’re never on your own. You have a family, you have a home. You have me.”

Lena realized in that moment, as she squeezed Kara as hard as she could and cried softly into her shirt, that she had forgotten the rest of the world existed. She didn’t feel love, or hate, or anything. Simply indifference. She had thought that it would kill her, but it didn’t.

All she felt was hope, and warmth, and happiness. She felt safe and secure. She felt like maybe she could get through this.

She was completely tongue tied, Kara’s name on her lips as she tried to convey just how _much_ she was feeling in that moment.

She didn’t have to though, Kara knew.

Kara always knew.

**Author's Note:**

> i cried like a BABY i'm such a slut for poetry, the one in the story is from fierce fairytales by nikita gill and u should definitely read it 
> 
> come say hi on twitter - @kashymcgraths :)


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